A Search for Myself

Its 3.15 am,18 june,2010. Still feeling insomniac, no chance for sleep. There are so many things running on my mind now. I just want all the crap out of this little head. Hope at the end of this post, i can manage to get a good sleep.

Few hours ago, when u talk to ur junior best buddy(yes, that's the title given by me) , u didn't even gave a sign how restless you are from within. But somehow the person sniffs it out. Though you talk about all the shit in this world(everything apart from what u actually want to talk about) for half an hour, but when u keep the phone down, imagining nobody can ever understand what's on ur mind, suddenly a msg comes & asks u to forget about all those worries & get to sleep. Ur eyes get filled with tears. Someone can still understand the real YOU but actually wants u to explore ur own SELF first.So, it's better to pen down all the disorderly flow of thoughts to get to a SOLUTION. Ah, Wait a minute! Do u know wat the PROBLEM is??

Actually, u don't. So, keep it going.. It may be that u're gonna leave this place, ur family, ur friends, (in short, everything u were highly attached to) in a few days. It seems u would never get a chance to meet them again soon. Moving to a new city is Okay, it's actually not an issue. But The real thing is somewhere u feel as if u would never be back & even when u would get a chance to return, everything & everyone would have changed. It seems u're gonna lose ur Real Self.

Everyone in ur family wants u to stay here & don't wanna let u go. U are tired of so many excuses they are making to stop u(coz they can't state it directly. After all they have left the entire decision on u & of course, they don't want to be a hindrance in ur path of progress).And yes, they are right, there is no dearth of careers in NCR, but why Bangalore then???

Actually, somewhere junior best buddy was right. I can roam the world alone but finally i want to be back home. Okay, now i understand what my actual problem is!! Firstly, i don't want to leave this place this soon. Fine, i am ready to go out but atleast i just want gud time to spend at home with my family & friends. Secondly, I can't understand wat is it that's pulling me to such a far location like Bangalore. Yes! I mean, what has destiny planned for me? Though i am not very much interested in that job, but i still want to be at that place. Why? So, actually these were the unseen issues that were bothering me.

Finally, after pondering over it for days, I have decided to go there, all alone, on my own,& to live under never seen before skies, in a place where only 2061km away from home would seem to be an entire new world. But this would only make me stronger from within. I would develop an entirely new dimension of looking at things in a more mature & self-dependent way. And after all, I do have the option of returning back in case i don't acclimatize to the conditions there. So, I better be ready for that bold move.

Perhaps, this is what my destiny wants out of me. Watch out friends! The Renaissance is about to take place.!!